Conan Versus Star Trek

In the line of the books about how bad ass Chuck Norris is, I was thinking about putting together a book about Conan the Barbarian versus Star Trek. I'd probably have copyright issues in either case so I don't think it will ever happen, but here is a sample of what I've come up with for fun so far. I've got lots more. What do you think? And please do forgive the occasional vulgarity. These kinds of things aren't long on manners.

In one of their trips back through time, the crew of the Starship Enterprise (NCC-1701) encountered Conan the Cimmerian. The following events happened.

1. Twenty-seven red shirts died. Fourteen others suffered severe internal injuries from wedgies.

2. Yeoman Rand got pregnant. Twice.

3. Spock attempted a nerve pinch on Conan only to experience in return the more effective and far more painful nerve PUNCH.

4. Scotty finally met someone who could drink him under the table. Until Scotty passed out, the two of them got on well. They even moved past “It’s green” to “It’s liquid.”

5. After bumping into the drunk Conan, Bones retorted, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor not a punching bag.” He was wrong.

6. Kirk couldn’t act his way out of getting his ass kicked.

7. Uhuru learned a lot about alien tongues.

8. Sulu discovered that swords aren’t toys. It took him a long time to get his rapier out of his ass.

9. Conan was accidentally duplicated in a transporter accident. Both his sides were bad ass.

10. Conan tried Romulan ale and thought it was for pussies
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